Day X of being a happy person. Realized that I can be happy without involving much people. I can be happy by myself. No wrong. I can be quiet but happy. Of course I can be rowdy and happy but that needs a little alcoholic encouragement. It's hard to lose my inhibitions of acting like a fool in public. Listening to happy music helps me be happy. Nowadays I can listen to sad music and say, 'that's good music to listen to when I'm sad', instead of getting affected by it immediately. It truly is a choice. Happiness is. Went to a gig yesterday. Makes me miss the days when I did. But it's sort of a complex thing. I have a strong desire to gig. But gigging will require me to be emotional, and I will get emotional, not by choice, when I gig. And then there comes that idiosyncrasy where I enjoy the sad emotions. Hmm. Why I am emotional when I gig. It most probably is because I will become very self conscious and aware of the people around me. True, I do crazy antics on stage. True, the sometimes represent the emotion that I was feeling then. But these feelings result from the self consciousness of being on stage. Anyway, the more I talk of it, the less happy I will start to get. Thinking of getting a mask or something when we start gigging again. Lol. Should be fun. And rewarding.

Never knowing what I could save you from.